What to do for date night, sorted by mood

Most date night lists are sorted by category, which is useless at seven on a Thursday when the real question is how much either of you has left in the tank. These are sorted by mood instead. Find the row that matches the week you have both had, then pick from it without negotiating.

First, the reason you cannot decide

Two people who both want the other to be happy will stall forever. You say you do not mind, they say they do not mind either, and forty minutes later you are watching something neither of you chose. It is not indecision, it is politeness, and it beats almost every couple.

The fix is to stop choosing an activity and start choosing an energy level. Agree on the mood first, out loud, in one sentence each. Once you have both said "honestly, I have nothing left tonight", the list of options shrinks to something you can actually pick from, and neither of you is guessing at what the other secretly wants.

When there is nothing left in the tank

Low effort on purpose. These need no planning, no leaving, and no getting changed. Everything here can start within about two minutes of deciding.

1. Take turns picking one song each and say why that one, until you run out of reasons.
2. Scroll to a random photo from more than a year ago and both say what you remember about that day.
3. Order the food you had on an early date, then eat it somewhere other than the table.
4. Watch the first ten minutes of three different films and commit to whichever one you are still arguing about.
5. Lie down and plan a holiday you are not going to take, in real detail, including the bad flight.
6. Read the other person something you found this week that you thought they would like.
7. Do a fifteen minute tidy together with music on, then stop and sit in the room you fixed.
8. Have the whole evening in one room with the overhead light off, which changes it more than it should.
9. Each write down three things that went well this week, swap the lists, and ask one question about each.
10. Answer one question together and leave it at that, because a small thing you both did counts more than a big thing you did not.

When you have some energy but no budget

Still at home, still cheap, but these ask something of you. Expect to be doing rather than watching.

11. Cook one dish neither of you has made before and refuse to look up a second recipe when it goes wrong.
12. Make it a blind tasting: the same cheap thing in four versions, ranked separately then compared.
13. Build the playlist for a party you are not throwing, one track each, no vetoes.
14. Teach each other something you know and the other does not, twenty minutes each way.
15. Do the crossword or the quiz out loud, arguing about every answer.
16. Recreate the meal from the first place you ever ate together, badly and on purpose.
17. Pull everything out of one cupboard and decide on each item together, which is far more fun than it sounds.
18. Write the two of you into a film plot and cast it, then defend your casting.
19. Give each other a twenty minute unbroken interview, one asking, one answering, no phones.
20. Play a question game where you guess each other's answers rather than give your own.

When you want to leave the house

Out, but not expensive, and mostly not dependent on booking anything. Weather permitting, which is doing some work in a couple of these.

21. Walk a route neither of you has walked, chosen by picking a street you have never turned down.
22. Go to the last bus or train stop on a line you use daily and see what is there.
23. One drink in three different places rather than three drinks in one.
24. Go somewhere with a view at the exact time the sun sets, which takes ten seconds to look up.
25. Do the tourist thing in your own city that you have never done because you live there.
26. Bookshop rules: twenty minutes, pick a book for the other, buy it, no explaining until you are outside.
27. Eat the food of a country neither of you has been to, at the least polished place you can find.
28. Take a long way home on purpose and stop wherever looks interesting.
29. Go to a small gig by a band you have never heard of, where being wrong costs almost nothing.
30. Drive or walk until one of you says stop, then find the closest place to eat.

When it is worth getting dressed for

Occasion nights. These take planning, usually money, and generally a booking, so they are the ones to hold for an anniversary or a week that went badly enough to deserve fixing properly.

31. The restaurant you have been saying you will go to for over a year, booked tonight for a date this month.
32. Dinner somewhere you have to look up how to get to, in a part of town you never go to.
33. Theatre, comedy or a gig with actual seats, chosen by one of you as a surprise.
34. A night away one train stop further than feels sensible for a single night.
35. Cook a long meal together with three courses and no shortcuts, starting in the afternoon.
36. The tasting menu, once, so you both know whether you like that kind of thing.
37. Dress properly for something that does not require it, which is funnier and better than it sounds.
38. Go back to the exact place of your first date and order exactly what you ordered.
39. A day trip that starts early enough to feel like a proper day rather than an afternoon.
40. Take actual photographs of each other somewhere good, because you have almost none that are not selfies.

How to make it happen more than once

The hard part is not the ideas, it is that date night gets skipped for six weeks and then feels like a big deal to restart. Two things help more than any list.

Put it in the calendar as a repeating thing rather than deciding each week, because a recurring low-effort night beats an occasional big one. And keep something small running between the nights, so the two of you are still asking each other things on the Tuesdays when nothing is planned. That is the whole idea behind Ottermates: one question a day, both of you answer, and neither sees the other's answer until you have both replied.

Frequently asked questions

What is a date night?

Time set aside for the two of you where the point is each other rather than the activity. It does not have to be an evening out, and it does not have to cost anything. What makes it a date night is that it is planned and protected, rather than whatever happens to be left over at the end of the day.

What can we do for date night at home?

Cook something neither of you has made before, run a blind tasting of four cheap versions of the same thing, give each other a twenty minute interview with no phones, or play a question game where you guess each other's answers. All four give you something you did not already know, which is what separates a date night at home from an evening in.

Where should we go for date night?

Somewhere at least one of you has never been. Novelty is doing most of the work in how a night feels, so the last stop on a familiar train line often beats a nicer restaurant you have already been to twice. If you want a rule: one drink in three places rather than three drinks in one.

What should we do when neither of us can decide?

Stop choosing an activity and choose an energy level instead. Each say in one sentence how much you have left tonight, then pick only from the ideas that match. Most date night stalls are two people being polite about what the other wants, not two people who genuinely have no preference.

How often should you have a date night?

Regularly beats impressively. A repeating low-effort night that actually happens is worth more than an occasional big one that keeps getting moved, because the point is staying in the habit of paying attention to each other rather than staging an event.

What should I wear on date night?

Match the effort to the plan rather than to the idea of a date. If you are staying in, comfortable is correct. If it is an occasion night, dressing properly changes how the evening feels for both of you, which is a large part of why it is worth doing occasionally even when the venue does not require it.

Keep going

More from the collection: questions for couples, 30 date night games for two, date night questions, 87 conversation starters, 110 what if questions, 80 truth or dare questions, 45 at home date night ideas, long distance date ideas.