110 what if questions for couples

A what if question is the cheapest way to find out something new about a person you already know well. It is hypothetical, so nobody has to defend a real position, and that is exactly why the answers come out honest. Below are 110 of them, sorted from the ones you can ask over breakfast to the ones that will keep you up talking.

How to ask these so they actually work

Three things separate a question that starts a conversation from one that gets a shrug.

• Answer it yourself first, out loud. If you ask and wait, it feels like an interview. If you go first, it is a game.
• Ask why, once. The first answer is the fun one. The reason behind it is the interesting one. One follow up is plenty, two becomes an interrogation.
• Do not save them all for one night. Three or four questions with real conversation between them beats forty answered in a row.

Easy what if questions to warm up

Start here if you have never done this before, or if one of you is tired. These are meant to be answered in a sentence and laughed at.

1. What if we could only eat one cuisine for the rest of our lives, which one?
2. What if you had to give up either coffee or your phone?
3. What if our pet could talk for one hour, what would it say about us?
4. What if we had to swap jobs tomorrow, who copes better?
5. What if you could only listen to one album forever?
6. What if we had to live without the internet for a month?
7. What if you had to describe me to a stranger in three words?
8. What if we could teleport anywhere for dinner tonight?
9. What if you could delete one chore from our life permanently?
10. What if we had to name a boat together right now?
11. What if you had to wear one outfit for a year?
12. What if our house could only have one room, which one?
13. What if you had to give up sweet or savoury?
14. What if we could each have one extra hour a day, how would you spend yours?
15. What if you had to pick a theme song that plays when I walk in?

Funny and slightly unhinged what if questions

The point of these is not the answer, it is watching the other person build the scenario in their head.

16. What if we had to survive a zombie outbreak together, who is the liability?
17. What if you woke up as an animal, which one, and would I recognise you?
18. What if we had to start a terrible business together, what is it called?
19. What if you could only communicate in film quotes for a week?
20. What if our lives were a reality show, what would the narrator say about us?
21. What if you had to fight one hundred duck sized horses or one horse sized duck?
22. What if we had to compete on a cooking show tonight, what do we make?
23. What if you could swap lives with a fictional character for a week?
24. What if we had to enter a talent show as a duo?
25. What if you had a personal theme park, what is the worst ride?
26. What if we could only speak in whispers for a day?
27. What if you had to be famous for something ridiculous?
28. What if our furniture could review our behaviour?
29. What if you had to win an argument using only interpretive dance?
30. What if we found out one of us was secretly a robot?
31. What if you could make one food calorie free forever?
32. What if we had to live in a film set, which film?
33. What if you could uninvent one thing?
34. What if our phones read our thoughts out loud for an hour?
35. What if you had to sell me to a stranger as a product, what is the pitch?

What if questions about us

These are still light, but they are about the two of you specifically, which is where it starts to get interesting.

36. What if we had met five years earlier, would it have worked?
37. What if we had met five years later instead?
38. What if our first date had gone badly, would you have tried again?
39. What if you had to explain how we met as a movie trailer?
40. What if we could rewatch one day of our relationship?
41. What if you could keep only one photo of us?
42. What if we had to describe our relationship as a weather forecast?
43. What if I picked up one new hobby, what would you want it to be?
44. What if we could relive one holiday exactly as it was?
45. What if you had to choose our song?
46. What if we swapped morning routines for a week?
47. What if you could give past me one piece of advice about us?
48. What if we had to write our own vows in one sentence each?
49. What if I had to guess your comfort meal, would I get it right?
50. What if we could freeze one ordinary evening and keep it?

What if questions about the future

This is where hypothetical questions earn their keep. Asking someone directly what they want from the next ten years can feel like a test. Asking what they would do if the two of you had to start over somewhere new gets you the same answer with none of the pressure.

51. What if we had to move abroad next month, where do we go?
52. What if money stopped being a factor, what changes tomorrow?
53. What if we could design our ideal ordinary Tuesday?
54. What if one of us got a dream job in another country?
55. What if we had to choose between a home we love and travelling constantly?
56. What if we could plan one thing to look forward to every year?
57. What if we retired early, what would we actually do with the time?
58. What if we could live in three countries for a year each?
59. What if you could guarantee one thing about our future?
60. What if we had to simplify our life by half, what goes?
61. What if we started something together, what would it be?
62. What if we could add one person to our life nearby?
63. What if we made one rule for the next five years?
64. What if we had a completely free year, no obligations?
65. What if we could fix one thing about how we spend our weekends?

Deep what if questions

Ask these when you have time and nobody is about to fall asleep. They are the ones people remember having been asked.

66. What if you could know the date but not the manner of your death?
67. What if you could relive one year of your life, which and why?
68. What if you could remove one memory from your mind?
69. What if you could apologise to one person properly?
70. What if you could hear what your parents really thought at one moment?
71. What if you had to name the fear that shapes you most?
72. What if you could be certain of one thing you currently doubt?
73. What if you could speak to yourself at sixteen for five minutes?
74. What if you had to give up either ambition or comfort?
75. What if the thing you are proudest of was never noticed by anyone?
76. What if you could keep only one of your friendships?
77. What if you had to explain what you believe without using the word should?
78. What if you found out you had one year of good health left?
79. What if you could change one decision your family made?
80. What if you had to define what a good life means to you in one sentence?
81. What if you could stop worrying about one specific thing permanently?
82. What if you had to say the thing you have been avoiding saying?
83. What if someone wrote your biography, what chapter would surprise people?
84. What if you could give me one thing that is not a physical object?
85. What if you could feel completely certain I was not going anywhere?

What if questions for long distance couples

These need no shared location and no shared evening, which is the whole point. Send one, answer it yourself, and read each other's answers when you are both done.

86. What if we could each send one object to the other today?
87. What if we could share one sense across the distance, which one?
88. What if we had to pick a place that becomes ours before we have been there?
89. What if we could compress the distance into one flight a month, is that enough?
90. What if we had to set a date for the end of the distance right now?
91. What if you could show me one ordinary thing from your day?
92. What if we could have one hour together, no travel, right now?
93. What if we planned the first day we are in the same place again?
94. What if we each described the other's daily routine, how wrong would we be?
95. What if we could keep one habit that only exists because we are apart?

What if questions for the end of the night

Warmer, and better asked in the dark than across a table. Nothing here needs an audience.

96. What if we had one evening with no phones and no plans?
97. What if you could relive the first time you knew you liked me?
98. What if I asked what makes you feel most wanted?
99. What if we could go back to the first weekend we spent together?
100. What if you had to say the thing you like most about how I look?
101. What if we made one small ritual that is only ours?
102. What if you could tell me one thing you have never said out loud?
103. What if we could write down what we want more of and swap notes?
104. What if I could take one worry off you for a week?
105. What if you could describe how you feel right now in one word?
106. What if we spent one night a week exactly like tonight?
107. What if you had to admit the most romantic thing you secretly enjoy?
108. What if we could keep one memory of us perfectly intact forever?
109. What if I asked what you need from me that you have not asked for?
110. What if we did this again next week?

What if questions are the playful end of a much larger set. If you want everything in one place, sorted by the situation you are actually in rather than by mood, there are 204 questions for couples.

Frequently asked questions

What is a good what if question to ask your partner?

A good one has no correct answer and forces a choice. "What if we had to move abroad next month, where do we go?" works because you both have to actually pick somewhere. "What if you won the lottery?" is weaker, because most people give the same rehearsed answer.

How many what if questions should we ask in one sitting?

Three or four is usually the sweet spot. These questions are worth talking about rather than racing through, and a long list answered quickly turns into a quiz instead of a conversation.

Do what if questions actually help a relationship?

They help because they are hypothetical. Asking directly what someone wants from the next five years can feel like a test, while asking what they would do if the two of you had to start over somewhere new gets at the same thing without the pressure. The playful frame is what makes the honest answer possible.

What if questions for a long distance relationship?

They suit long distance especially well, because they need no shared location and no shared schedule. Send one, answer it yourself, and read each other's answers when you are both done. Questions about the future work best, since they give you something to plan towards.