Long distance date ideas, live and async

The problem with long distance dates is not distance, it is the video call. Two people staring at each other with nothing happening runs out after about eleven minutes, and then someone says so what have you been up to for the fourth time that week. Everything here gives the call something to be about, and a third of it does not need you both awake at once.

Why the call is the problem

A video call is not a date, it is a venue. Couples in the same city do not sit facing each other in an empty room for an hour with no food, no plan and nothing to look at, and yet that is the default long distance evening.

So the useful split is not romantic against cheap, it is live against async. Live dates need you both there at the same time and are worth protecting when time zones allow. Async ones happen across the gap: you do a thing, they do a thing, and the reveal is the date. Async is what actually survives a seven hour difference and two different working weeks, and most lists ignore it entirely.

If you want questions rather than activities, there are 204 questions for couples sorted by situation.

Live dates: doing the same thing at once

For when you can both be there. The rule that makes these work is that the activity carries the conversation, so neither of you has to generate it from nothing.

1. Cook the same recipe at the same time, then eat together on the call.
2. Start a film at the same second and stay muted until the credits.
3. Order delivery to each other rather than to yourselves, and open it together.
4. Take the same walk at the same time in two cities, on the phone the whole way.
5. Give each other a proper tour of somewhere you go often and they have never seen.
6. Do the supermarket shop together, which is unromantic and unreasonably good.
7. Watch the sunset at your end while they watch the sky at theirs.
8. Read the same chapter and talk about it, one chapter a week.
9. Get ready for a night out together, then go to separate nights out.
10. Do a workout neither of you will enjoy and complain in real time.
11. Coffee at the same time, in the same clothes you would wear to meet.
12. Plan the next visit properly, with dates and bookings, in one sitting.
13. Sit on a call doing separate work, cameras on, talking only sometimes.
14. Draw each other from the video and reveal at the same moment.

Async dates: for bad time zones

Nobody has to be awake. The date is the making and the finding, which spreads the good part over a couple of days rather than one hour.

This is the shape Ottermates uses: you both answer the same question whenever you can, and neither of you sees the other's answer until you have both replied, so there is something waiting rather than something scheduled.

15. Record a voice note about your day at your bedtime, listen to theirs at yours.
16. Both answer the same question separately, then reveal both answers at once.
17. Photo of one specific thing each day: what you ate, the sky, your desk.
18. Write a letter, a real one, on paper, and post it.
19. Make a playlist a week, one track a day, and say why on the last day.
20. Order something to arrive at their house on a day they will need it.
21. Keep a shared document neither of you deletes from, just adding to it.
22. Film sixty seconds of something ordinary and send it with no explanation.
23. Do the same crossword separately and compare which clues broke you.
24. Both write the same five predictions for the year and open them later.
25. Send the thing you almost sent, once a week, unedited.
26. Cook their family recipe badly and send photographic evidence.
27. Leave a book somewhere they will be, with something written in it.
28. Write down one thing you noticed about them this week and send it on Sundays.

LDR games

Games specifically, because a game gives a call a structure and an ending, which is exactly what a long call lacks. These need nothing but a phone each.

The longer lists are 160 would you rather questions, 110 what if questions and 80 truth or dare questions, all of which work unchanged over a call.

29. Twenty questions, where the answer must be something in their room.
30. Guess my rank: both privately rank five things, then guess the other's order.
31. The prediction game: guess what they will say, then they answer.
32. Two truths and a lie about the week you just had, not your whole life.
33. Same puzzle, separate screens, first one finished gloats.
34. Photo roulette: scroll to a random old photo and both say what you remember.
35. Describe a place you have been until they can name it.
36. Build a story one sentence each, alternating, until it collapses.
37. The interview: five minutes where one asks anything and the other must answer.
38. Rate the same five things out of ten separately, then defend the gaps.
39. Would you rather, answered by writing it down and revealing together.
40. Draw what they describe without seeing it, then compare.

What to do about the goodbye

Every long distance call ends with the worst part of it, and most couples handle this badly by dragging it out. The fix is to end on purpose rather than when one of you finally gives up: agree roughly when the call ends before it starts, and finish while it is still good.

It also helps enormously to have the next thing already in place. Not the next visit necessarily, which may be months away, but the next small thing: a question waiting to be answered, a letter in the post, a film you have both agreed to start on Thursday. The gap is easier when it has something in it.

Making it survive the boring weeks

Long distance does not usually fail on the hard weeks, it fails on the flat ones, where nothing is wrong and there is nothing to say and the call gets skipped twice and then feels awkward to restart.

Keep something small running. One daily thing that takes a minute beats one weekly call that takes an hour, because the small thing is what stops the gap opening in the first place.

Protect one real date a week. Not a check-in call, an actual planned thing from the lists above, with the same status a Friday night would have if you lived in the same city.

Say the boring parts. The instinct is to save up news for the call so there is something to talk about, but that turns your partner into an audience for a weekly summary instead of someone who knows what your Tuesday was like.

Frequently asked questions

What are good long distance date ideas?

The ones where an activity carries the conversation rather than the two of you generating it from nothing. Cook the same recipe at the same time and eat on the call, start a film at the same second and stay muted until the credits, order delivery to each other rather than to yourselves, or take the same walk in two cities while on the phone. The empty video call is what makes long distance dates feel like work.

What are LDR games?

Games two people can play over a call with nothing but a phone each: twenty questions where the answer is something in their room, guessing what your partner will say before they answer, two truths and a lie about the week you just had, or rating the same five things separately and defending the gaps. A game gives a call a structure and an ending, which is what a long call otherwise lacks.

How do you date long distance in different time zones?

Use async dates rather than trying to force a live one. Record a voice note at your bedtime for them to hear at theirs, both answer the same question separately and reveal both answers at once, send sixty seconds of something ordinary with no explanation. The date becomes the making and the finding, spread over a couple of days, and nobody has to be awake at four in the morning.

How often should long distance couples have a date night?

One protected date a week, with the same status a Friday night would have if you lived in the same city, plus something small running daily. Long distance rarely fails on the hard weeks. It fails on the flat ones, when nothing is wrong, the call gets skipped twice, and restarting starts to feel awkward.

How do you end a long distance call without it being sad?

End on purpose rather than when one of you gives up, and agree roughly when it finishes before it starts, so you stop while it is still good. It also helps to have the next small thing already in place: a question waiting to be answered, a letter in the post, a film you have both agreed to start on Thursday.

What can you do together long distance every day?

Something that takes a minute rather than an hour. A photo of one specific thing, a track added to a shared playlist, or one question you both answer without seeing each other's reply until you have both replied. The daily habit is what stops the gap opening, and the weekly call is what fills it once it has.

Keep going

More from the collection: 204 questions for couples, 160 would you rather questions, 80 truth or dare questions, 45 at home date night ideas.