How well do you know me: 60 questions, six rounds

This works as a game only if you score it, and score it in the right direction: you are not guessing facts about your partner, you are predicting what they would say. Six rounds of ten, easy to hard, with a scoring method that takes about a minute to learn and makes the result worth arguing about.

How to score it

Both of you write your own answer to every question privately, then write what you think your partner will answer. Reveal a round at a time.

One point for each of your partner's answers you predicted correctly. The person being asked is the referee for their own answers, and their ruling is final, which stops the entire evening turning into an argument about whether nearly counts.

Sixty points available, thirty each. Anything above twenty out of thirty is genuinely good. Below fifteen is not a verdict on your relationship, it usually just means you have never actually asked, which is the point of playing.

The rounds get harder deliberately. Round one is things you could learn from a week of paying attention. Round six is things most people have never been asked in their lives.

Round one: the basics

Ten points that anyone paying attention should get. If a round one question stumps you, that is useful information and not an insult.

1. What is my usual coffee or tea order?
2. What size shoe do I wear?
3. Which side of the bed do I sleep on, and have I always?
4. What is my middle name?
5. What time do I actually get up, not what time my alarm is set for?
6. What is the one food I will not eat?
7. Which app do I open first in the morning?
8. What is my go to takeaway order?
9. How do I take my eggs?
10. What is the last thing I do before falling asleep?

Round two: history

Things from before you met, which is where most couples lose their first real points.

11. What was my first job?
12. What was the name of my first pet?
13. Which subject did I hate most at school?
14. What was my first concert?
15. Who was my best friend at fifteen, and are we still in touch?
16. Where did I go on the first holiday I remember?
17. What is the worst job I ever had, and how long did I last?
18. What did I want to be when I was ten?
19. Which teacher did I like most?
20. What was the first thing I ever bought with my own money?

Round three: preferences

Not facts, choices. These are where predicting starts to beat remembering.

21. Beach or mountains, and would I say the same in winter?
22. Would I rather host or be hosted?
23. Which do I actually prefer, a big night out or a small dinner?
24. Do I like surprises or do I only say I do?
25. Aisle or window, and why?
26. Which one of us would I say plans better?
27. Would I rather be too hot or too cold?
28. Which film would I put on for the fifth time?
29. Do I prefer a gift I asked for or one I did not?
30. Would I rather have a free afternoon alone or together?

Round four: how I work

Behaviour under pressure. Harder, and the answers are often useful outside the game.

31. How do I behave when I am stressed but pretending not to be?
32. What do I need first when I am upset, space or company?
33. What is the fastest way to cheer me up?
34. How do I act when I am hungry and will not admit it?
35. What kind of tired am I most often?
36. Do I want advice or agreement when I complain about work?
37. How long do I hold on to something that annoyed me?
38. What makes me anxious that I do not talk about much?
39. Am I better in the morning or at night, honestly?
40. What do I do when I am avoiding something?

Round five: about us

The shared history round. Both of you were there, which is exactly why these are harder than they look.

41. What did I wear on our first date?
42. What was the first meal we ate together?
43. When did I first know I liked you more than a bit?
44. What is my favourite photo of the two of us?
45. Which trip of ours would I do again first?
46. What is the thing you do that I would miss most if you stopped?
47. What was our worst argument actually about, underneath?
48. Which of your habits did I find annoying first and now like?
49. What is a small thing you do for me that I notice every time?
50. What would I say is the best decision we have made together?

Round six: the ones nobody asks

Ten questions most people have never been asked by anyone. Nobody scores well here, and the answers are the reason to play at all.

51. What am I quietly proud of that I have never mentioned?
52. What do I think people get wrong about me?
53. What is a fear I have that I would not call a fear?
54. What would I do with a year off and no obligations?
55. What do I wish I had said to someone, and to whom?
56. What is the compliment I most want to be true?
57. Which of my own habits do I most want to change?
58. What do I think about on a long drive alone?
59. What is a version of my life I sometimes imagine?
60. What do I most want you to know that I have never said plainly?

What the score actually tells you

A high score means you have been paying attention for a long time. A low one almost never means what people fear it means: in practice it means these questions have simply never come up, because ordinary life does not create the occasion to ask what someone is quietly proud of.

The useful part is not the number, it is the questions you both got wrong. Those are the ones worth returning to on a different night when nobody is keeping score. That is why Ottermates works the way it does: one question a day, you both answer, and neither of you sees the other's answer until you have both replied, so the guessing and the revealing happen the same way this game does, just without needing to set an evening aside.

Frequently asked questions

What are good how well do you know me questions?

The good ones ask you to predict a choice rather than recall a fact. Anyone can learn a shoe size, but predicting whether your partner would rather host or be hosted, or whether they want advice or agreement when they complain about work, requires you to actually know how they think. Facts make a quiz, preferences make a game.

How do you score a how well do you know me quiz?

Both of you privately write your own answer to every question and what you think your partner will answer. Reveal a round at a time and take one point per correct prediction. The person being asked judges their own answers, and their ruling is final, which keeps the game from becoming an argument about whether close enough counts.

What is a good score?

Out of thirty each, anything above twenty is genuinely good, and below fifteen usually just means the questions have never come up rather than anything about the relationship. The later rounds here are deliberately built so almost nobody scores well on them.

How many questions should a how well do you know me quiz have?

Sixty works well split into six rounds of ten, which takes about an hour with conversation and gives you natural stopping points. Fewer than about twenty and it ends before it gets interesting, since the early questions are always the easy ones.

Can you play this with a new partner?

Yes, but stop after round three. The first thirty questions work early on, when getting them wrong is funny rather than pointed. Rounds five and six assume a shared history and are better saved until you have one.

Keep going

More from the collection: 204 couples questions, the 50 question couples quiz, who knows the couple best, 160 would you rather questions, 87 conversation starters.